Why Do Children Become Disobedient? Essential Guidance for Parents

Introduction

Nowadays, many parents complain that their children don't listen to them, show disrespect at home, and feel distant from their parents. But have you ever wondered why this distance is being created? Why don't children feel that closeness with their parents that should be there? Why can't they share each other's personal lives?

These questions are very important because until we understand the root of the problem, we cannot find its solution.

Main Reasons for Disobedience in Children

Parents' Busy Schedules and Lack of Time

The biggest problem is that in today's era, parents are so busy that finding time for their children has become difficult. Office work, business, and daily responsibilities are so overwhelming that parents cannot spend quality time with their children.

It is the children's right to have time allocated for them. In the Quran, Allah says: "يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا" (O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from the Fire of Hell). But unfortunately, we are unable to fulfill this responsibility.

I personally witnessed an incident   a father would leave at 7 AM and return at 11 PM. The child would already be asleep. He could only see his child on Sundays throughout the week. Now tell me, how can this child connect with his father?

Lack of Proper Environment at Home

The second major problem is that even when family members are at home, everyone is busy with their own tasks. Father is on the mobile phone, mother is in the kitchen or watching TV, and children are playing games in their rooms.

Even while living at home, every person is so engrossed in their own work 24 hours a day that conversations don't happen. The culture of family dinners has ended. There's no time to sit together and talk.

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: "خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي" (The best among you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family).

Ignoring Children's Nature

Children have a natural disposition. If we work according to their nature, many things become easy. A child learns by watching, learns by listening, but most of all, they adopt what they see.

For example, understand it this way: when a baby is born, they don't know any language. But within two to three years, they gradually begin to speak. Why? Because they keep hearing, keep watching. They were never told this is Urdu, this is English, this is Arabic; they just learn from the environment.

Similarly, if you want your child to be obedient, you must also respect your own parents. Children will watch from the front.

Distance from Religious Education

Another major problem is that children are kept away from religious education. They are not taught what the status of parents is, what respect for elders means, or how life should be lived.

When a child isn't told who their role model should be, they will choose one themselves. It might be some singer, some actor, or some other worldly personality. Regardless of what kind of character that person has.

The child gradually learns the bad things about society. If society is oppressive, they will also become oppressive. Tomorrow, this same oppression will be inflicted on their parents, on their society.

What is the Solution? What Should Parents Do?

Spend Quality Time

First and most important, make time for your children. Half an hour daily, or even 20 minutes, but spend that time only and only with your kids. Turn off your mobile, turn off the TV, and just talk to your children.

At least one day a week, spend time with the whole family. Eat together, listen to their conversations, and know their difficulties. This small habit can bring a huge change.

One of my friends adopted this formula every night before sleeping. He would sit with his children for 15 minutes. The children would share their day, and he would listen. In just 6 months, there was a clear difference in the children's personalities.

Provide Religious and Moral Education

Teach your children religion and explain to them the basic principles of life. Make them understand what respect for elders means and in what manner they should talk to younger ones. Explain with practical examples what the high status of parents is in Islam and what the rights of teachers are. Also, gradually teach them how to live as responsible citizens in society.

Tell them the blessed Seerah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. How His childhood was spent, how He showed loving treatment toward His uncle Abu Talib. Narrate incidents from the lives of the noble Companions, and tell stories of the simplicity and piety of the righteous scholars.

When these things are taught in childhood, they become firm in the heart and mind. One can learn later, too, but that's not as strong. What is learned in childhood stays for a lifetime.

Become a Role Model Yourself

Remember, children don't learn from your words; they learn from your character. If you want your child to pray, pray regularly yourself. If you want them to speak the truth, speak the truth yourself.

I remember an incident - a child asked his father: "Dad, you tell me not to lie, but yesterday you said on the phone that you were in the car when you were actually sitting at home." The father had no answer.

Choose the Right Online Quran Tutor

Very busy parents can take help from online Quran teachers. But caution is necessary here, too. Don't just grab anyone randomly.

Choose an instructor who is fully trained themselves. Someone who has deep knowledge not just of the Quran but also of Hadith. Along with that, they should be familiar with Fiqh and Islamic law so they can provide proper guidance to the child. And most importantly, they should understand child psychology, have the ability to teach according to the child's temperament, and teach how to adopt religion in practical life, not just recite words.

Ajwa Academy's Role

At Ajwa Academy, we understand that religion is not just about reading words. All our teachers have received formal religious education for 10 to 12 years. They are not merely Huffaz but complete Islamic scholars who are familiar with every aspect of religion.

Our fundamental mission is that children don't just read the words of the Quran but also understand its meanings and concepts. We want them to know the rights of their parents and fulfill them with complete honesty. How to behave at home, how to treat siblings, how to respect teachers and elders - we teach all of this practically.

Our tutors provide regular, detailed reports to parents. These reports don't just tell how many Surahs the child has memorized or how many pages they've read, but they also include details about improvements in the child's morals and character.

Practical Tips

Here are some easy tips you can start implementing today. First of all, spend just 15 minutes daily with your children in simple conversation, no scolding or reprimanding. At least one day a week, have a meal with the whole family, sit together, and keep mobile phones completely off.

Try to have one small recreational trip per month, even if it's just going to a nearby park, but everyone should be together. Before bedtime, tell stories to your children, especially from the Seerah of the Prophet ﷺ, incidents from the lives of the Companions, and about the lives of righteous scholars. And most importantly, become a role model yourself; whatever you want to teach, practice it yourself first.

Conclusion

Children don't become disobedient; we make them so. When we don't give time, don't pay attention, and don't teach religion, they create their own path.

Remember that what you invest in your child today will become your support tomorrow. When you grow old, become sick, or are in need, this same child will stand with you.

But this is only possible when you are with them today, teach them religion, teach them morals.

Whether the child becomes a scientist, doctor, engineer, or, first and foremost, they must become a good human being. And there's only one way to become a good person: living life according to nature and Shariah.

Contact Ajwa Academy today and give your children the education that makes them successful in both this world and the hereafter.